I'm constantly anxious about putting pressure on kids. It came easier to me at a young age, but also I was always the kid who wanted to play catch or shoot hoops outside with my dad every waking moment. I wanted to work on whatever would make be better. And it's hard to know how much of that was me and how much was the influence of my dad getting me out there at an early age. From my dad's perspective, it was more me than him. So for that reason, I tend to be more hands off. I'll try to pick times long after a game is over to talk about things that happened. I'm always ready to go out and practice, and I let the kids know that. But I rarely pick what we're going to do.

At the same time there are certain moments where a kid needs to push through and you know that they'll be glad they did. Because if they don't get over a certain hurdle, they'll never be able to contribute, and once they do, things will come more easily. At a young age it's, e.g., overcoming fear of the ball as a hitter and stepping toward the pitcher rather than toward third base, learning to put your glove up and trust that you can protect your face rather than trying to catch everything with your glove below your waist like a grounder, catching a basketball with your hands rather than with your arms.

With our oldest there was one day my wife was working with her on hitting in softball when she was 9. A lot of it was fear of the ball and stepping to third. It was a very frustrating day with much gnashing of teeth. I stayed away and let Mom handle because, even though she was maxing out her knowledge, I knew that only Mom was going to be listened to. But by the end of the day she was making contact, and that sparked a big change. She's not likely going to play at the high school level, but she's getting much more enjoyment out of playing now that she's contributing more at bat and on the bases.

On the other hand, getting B8 work on catching the ball with his glove up was a chore last year. He tends to want to do the things he's already good at. He's definitely not like one of his teammates who asks me to throw the ball to a particular location so he can get better at catching those. I didn't push it as much as much of me wanted to as I saw him falling behind his peers even though he showed more natural ability the year before. But he looks more comfortable this year. He's still not where I was hoping he'd be. But I think he also is just naturally developing that skill a little later. (I think playing basketball last winter helped him get comfortable protecting his face, which was the main thing I was hoping he'd get out if.) But he improved enough to be able to still contribute.

The next step is pitching. He has one of the better arms, so he was interested in pitching. But he was frustrated because the first time he tried pitching, throwing strikes didn't come easy to him. So he never wants to practice it, even though the team needs more pitchers. In the end, I don't care if he doesn't want to pitch. But I care if he does want to pitch and just isn't doing it because it was hard at first. So it's a constant internal tug-of-war for me.

I have two kids.

Lincoln plays soccer, baseball, and basketball. To his credit, he almost always has a ball in his hand: At home, at Pre-K, at Nana's, when we go watch a game. He is constantly throwing, catching, kicking, or hitting a ball. He played teeball last spring at age 4 and I put him in coach pitch for the fall a month after he turned 5. He more than held his own last fall despite being the youngest kid in the league by a fair bit - He was in his first year of Pre-K and we had third graders on his team. He absolutely did not look out of place at any point and things come very naturally for him. He does work hard though - On a given night we are either in our yard hitting or at a field. Even if it is 8:30 and 40 degrees I can't get him to leave. He just loves playing.

Kennedy is a little different story. She played soccer at age 4 and told me during the first practice, "Daddy, I don't think I like this. I'm sweaty." I made her finish the season but she was more into gymnastics than anything. She did make her way to volleyball when she turned six and does well there but picking up softball at the age of 8 put her behind girls on her team. Not to mention it is travel ball so it was more like light years behind. I kicked myself hard for not putting her in teeball to have her try it but in hindsight, she may have never gone to that practice last winter had I done that.

Kennedy's situation athletically is much different from Linc's. She is a lot like me - She will have to work and scrap to be even the 7th best kid on the team. But that is ok. I think what I felt in that moment last winter was fear more than anything. Fear that she is was going to go through what I did. Fear that kids were going to be mean to her if she didn't hit or throw as well as they do. Fear that she would be left out of things because she isn't a star. But to her credit, she has worked herself into the regular lineup. She isn't our best player but she is by far our best kid. She listens. She courtesy runs if we need her to. She gets the bats after other kids hit. She always sprints on and off the field. She never gives the coaches attitude.

One of our other coaches looked at me Sunday and said, "You have a great kid. Like extraordinary." I know I do. She is special. She just has to put in hours when some other kids can put in 20 minutes. I keep telling myself that will serve her well and I am a believer in work ethic over talent. She has also rubbed off on her brother. Now it is a competition when we hit - Who can put the ball on the ball more. Who hits the ball farther? Who can make more catches?

Working with those two at their craft is one of my greatest joys as a father. I love every second of it. I just wish I wasn't such a dickhead when things aren't where I think they should be. But I am learning that it is about what they want - not about what I want. As long as they are happy, healthy, and loved then they will thrive.

Parenting is hard and I am a work in progress. But we will get there.

I have no sage words of wisdom for you other than if you think the boy has some skill in a certain area, it is ok to push a little to see the response. If he responds well, you are on the right track. If he doesn't you can back off and let him choose his path. I am about to navigate those same things with my youngest - I just hard to guard against burning him out.

We all think we'll be different until we aren't. And we catch ourselves in one of those moments we were sure we'd avoid. The kinds of mistakes "other people" make.

Good on you to post this. It's a hard reminder for us all.