parents who are trying to vicariously live their former college/ professional sport dreams put through their children ruin it for their teams/ children. There is a time and place for hard coaching. It’s not in youth sports. I’d allow it for truly elite/ nationally ranked older high school athletes. Aside from that, no. Youth sports are for building confidence, technique, teaching the value of hard work/ team effort… You’re doing a good job. Keep it up. Coaching is one of the most rewarding things, IMO. You never know what is going on in a kid’s home, but you can damn well make sure that kid leaves practice or a game feeling good about himself/ herself.

There’s no reason not to be positive to the kids on both teams. When I coached, I had two rules: (1) have fun, and (2) respect (for yourself, for your teammates, for your coaches, for the umpires, for the other team). There is always room to encourage your players (“way to track the ball — remember, keep that glove in the dirt. You’ll get it next time.”) and the other team’s (“heck of a catch, shortstop! Nice play!”). Seemed pretty simple to me.

Edit: I was fortunate that the parents on our low-level rec league team generally agreed with me. I used to tell them that none of their kids were the next George Brett and that the goal here was to have fun, teach teamwork, and give the kids some skills so when they played on a coed softball team for the office, they'd acquit themselves nicely.

I received from a veteran youth baseball coach as I began what would turn into a dozen years of coaching was to remember that my responsibility was to build a community of good players and good parents.

Don’t pick a kid just because he could play if either he or his parents were an attitude problem.

Win some, lose some. In the end, the record won’t much matter.

Character matters. Good people matter. Cultivate relationships and experiences with good people.

While you can’t control every outcome, when it comes to youth sports, creating a positive environment - complete with the virtues of character and good sportsmanship - is not only our responsibility, but it is also the most important aspect of leadership on the field.

KK digs good coaching and mentors. All is forgiven now.

Make all little league games a two drink minimum like a comedy club. Get everyone lubricated just enough to sit there and just enjoy the game.

were playing, first year of kid pitch. That's when passed balls, stolen bases and walks predominate the game. The guy came unglued because hit catcher kept missing pitches. He was shrieking, purple face style, at the kid - "BRANDON, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!"
We wound up beating them and the guy stood screaming at his dejected players coming off the field, "I hope you're all HAPPY about this!!"
Worst I ever saw, I was waiting for an attack Mom to arrow in and take him out right there, but nobody did anything that I noticed.

So yeah, Across, you've got it right. But not everybody out there does, believe me!

to throw strikes or make plays in the field to get the game over with at that age.

may have made your attitude more positive.

I don't know if I could be proud of a team I was a coach for (mostly the same administrative assistant role for me), even if they made the Little League World Series, if those kids, parents, and coaches were a bunch of a-holes.

On the other hand, several years ago, when I was coaching an indoor 10u flag football team, we were the worst team in the league by a long shot. Those boys were a bit upset after the first couple of games. It messed with their heads when I was proud of how they played together, shared the ball and responsibilities, and didn't get down on each other. I told them not to worry about the other noise, have fun, and learn something as that is why they signed up. I would try to get everyone touches in every game, and toward the end of the season boys would give up their touches for a chance to score or just to give a different boy a carry. I threw in some trick plays for them as well (had to have fun right?). Finally, in the last game as time was winding down, they begged to run the fumblerooskie. I had cleared it with the ref for a game or two but hadn't pulled it out. Not only was it a trick play, it was a trick play to the slowest kid who had the biggest heart on the team. The boys ran it to perfection and he rumbled 15 yards for the only touchdown of the season. You'd have thought they won the Super Bowl the way the celebrated.

I have a few such stories coaching youth sports over the last 15 years or so. Bad parents/coaches/teams do come up in those stories, but thankfully most of them are the good sort of stories.

I've been lucky to have many mentors in coaching kids, starting with my own father and several of the other coaches I've worked with over the years. I can sum up most of their philosophy into one word Respect.

Respect the game by practicing hard, playing hard, and knowing the rules

Respect each other by giving your best effort on your assignments and building up your team mates not tearing them down.

Respect your coaches by listening when they are talking, learning how the drills work, and showing up on time with all of your equipment

Respect your opponent by competing to the best of your ability, refraining from and ignoring trash talk, and by being gracious in victory and complimentary in defeat (even if you don't feel like it)

Respect the officials. You can't have a game without them. If you have a problem with one of them or don't understand a ruling, come to me and I will talk to the official.

I know I'm not the best X's and O's coach, I'm only ok in coming up with fun drills to learn fundamentals, and I'm shaky at best with in-game scenarios (but better a clock management than Davie), but I feel I do a good job of getting the kids to have some fun and grow, which is what it is all about after all.

I love reffing the little kids. For the most part, parents are fine, especially if you make it fun for the kids.

She set up her chair way down one of the foul lines away from everyone else precisely because she knew she would make obnoxious or critical comments if she was too close to the other players or parents.

It makes for a happier watching experience.

Daughter did travel softball. They were insufferable. My wife finally forced me to sit with the others and not be “anti-social.” They were getting on the two umpires incessantly. The umpires were calling a good game. At one point, the home plate umpire came over to our team’s bench and talked to the head coach. He then returned to the plate. Our coach then addressed our group and told us if they kept it up the umpire was going to forfeit the game and eliminate us from the competition. I looked at my wife in I told you so manner, excused myself to go to the concession stand, and returned to my customary spot behind home plate. Parents at these things were unbelievable. One time in rec ball, our team was leading 20-0 and the other team’s parents were complaining about the “one sided umpiring.” They were good enough to complain

And accounted for them so as not to ruin the experience for others.

...who had a granddaughter that was on the team of my daughter when she was right around 8 that convinced me that softball wasn't going to happen anymore. My daughter fielded a ball in the infield and didn't quickly make the right play and this grandmother yelled at her at the top of her lungs "WHAT, ARE YOU STUPID!?!?" It was at that point that I decided my daughter wouldn't be continuing on with that softball league.

Funny thing about parents, at least from my experience, it seems they are most crazy when the kids are much younger. It seems to be the exception instead of the rule with this same daughter, who is now 16 years old, to have a parent have even much more than a quick yelp about disagreement with a call. My S12 is the other way around - there is almost always at least one parent from the other team that is boorish.

who have worked their way up through various travel teams, grandparents who complain about their grandkids’ teammates or game officials should be banned from the games for life.

When I used to coach and ref youth soccer, the worst parents were always the U8 girls because, at the point any one of them could have been the next Mia Hamm. As the kids grow up, parents start to get more realistic about their child's ability.

Me. Except it wasn't a 4th Grader. It was a 2nd Grader.

My daughter is 9. Plays travel softball. Last winter she got invited to the team because she played volleyball for one of the coaches and she is "tall and athletic."

She had never played softball before. It was an adjustment and I failed miserably as a father. I told her point blank she was the worst kid on the team and that, in all likelihood, she wouldn't play a single inning. Her response was remarkable.

"But I can get better, right Daddy?"

Of course you can, sweetheart. And your father is a miserable piece of shit who was too proud to have his own kid be the one who needs the most work. I coach her team now and she has worked herself to the point where she looks like she belongs.

What I have realized about most parents - myself included - is that we think if someone would have just worked with us earlier. Pushed us a bit harder. It might have helped us overcome our own shortcomings when we were playing and made a difference. The reality is that its the same as it ever was and only a select few will ever get paid to play. The sooner you realize this is all a fun ride for about 14-15 years until they graduate high school, the sooner you will enjoy being part of it.

I am still working on that part myself.

I'm constantly anxious about putting pressure on kids. It came easier to me at a young age, but also I was always the kid who wanted to play catch or shoot hoops outside with my dad every waking moment. I wanted to work on whatever would make be better. And it's hard to know how much of that was me and how much was the influence of my dad getting me out there at an early age. From my dad's perspective, it was more me than him. So for that reason, I tend to be more hands off. I'll try to pick times long after a game is over to talk about things that happened. I'm always ready to go out and practice, and I let the kids know that. But I rarely pick what we're going to do.

At the same time there are certain moments where a kid needs to push through and you know that they'll be glad they did. Because if they don't get over a certain hurdle, they'll never be able to contribute, and once they do, things will come more easily. At a young age it's, e.g., overcoming fear of the ball as a hitter and stepping toward the pitcher rather than toward third base, learning to put your glove up and trust that you can protect your face rather than trying to catch everything with your glove below your waist like a grounder, catching a basketball with your hands rather than with your arms.

With our oldest there was one day my wife was working with her on hitting in softball when she was 9. A lot of it was fear of the ball and stepping to third. It was a very frustrating day with much gnashing of teeth. I stayed away and let Mom handle because, even though she was maxing out her knowledge, I knew that only Mom was going to be listened to. But by the end of the day she was making contact, and that sparked a big change. She's not likely going to play at the high school level, but she's getting much more enjoyment out of playing now that she's contributing more at bat and on the bases.

On the other hand, getting B8 work on catching the ball with his glove up was a chore last year. He tends to want to do the things he's already good at. He's definitely not like one of his teammates who asks me to throw the ball to a particular location so he can get better at catching those. I didn't push it as much as much of me wanted to as I saw him falling behind his peers even though he showed more natural ability the year before. But he looks more comfortable this year. He's still not where I was hoping he'd be. But I think he also is just naturally developing that skill a little later. (I think playing basketball last winter helped him get comfortable protecting his face, which was the main thing I was hoping he'd get out if.) But he improved enough to be able to still contribute.

The next step is pitching. He has one of the better arms, so he was interested in pitching. But he was frustrated because the first time he tried pitching, throwing strikes didn't come easy to him. So he never wants to practice it, even though the team needs more pitchers. In the end, I don't care if he doesn't want to pitch. But I care if he does want to pitch and just isn't doing it because it was hard at first. So it's a constant internal tug-of-war for me.

I have two kids.

Lincoln plays soccer, baseball, and basketball. To his credit, he almost always has a ball in his hand: At home, at Pre-K, at Nana's, when we go watch a game. He is constantly throwing, catching, kicking, or hitting a ball. He played teeball last spring at age 4 and I put him in coach pitch for the fall a month after he turned 5. He more than held his own last fall despite being the youngest kid in the league by a fair bit - He was in his first year of Pre-K and we had third graders on his team. He absolutely did not look out of place at any point and things come very naturally for him. He does work hard though - On a given night we are either in our yard hitting or at a field. Even if it is 8:30 and 40 degrees I can't get him to leave. He just loves playing.

Kennedy is a little different story. She played soccer at age 4 and told me during the first practice, "Daddy, I don't think I like this. I'm sweaty." I made her finish the season but she was more into gymnastics than anything. She did make her way to volleyball when she turned six and does well there but picking up softball at the age of 8 put her behind girls on her team. Not to mention it is travel ball so it was more like light years behind. I kicked myself hard for not putting her in teeball to have her try it but in hindsight, she may have never gone to that practice last winter had I done that.

Kennedy's situation athletically is much different from Linc's. She is a lot like me - She will have to work and scrap to be even the 7th best kid on the team. But that is ok. I think what I felt in that moment last winter was fear more than anything. Fear that she is was going to go through what I did. Fear that kids were going to be mean to her if she didn't hit or throw as well as they do. Fear that she would be left out of things because she isn't a star. But to her credit, she has worked herself into the regular lineup. She isn't our best player but she is by far our best kid. She listens. She courtesy runs if we need her to. She gets the bats after other kids hit. She always sprints on and off the field. She never gives the coaches attitude.

One of our other coaches looked at me Sunday and said, "You have a great kid. Like extraordinary." I know I do. She is special. She just has to put in hours when some other kids can put in 20 minutes. I keep telling myself that will serve her well and I am a believer in work ethic over talent. She has also rubbed off on her brother. Now it is a competition when we hit - Who can put the ball on the ball more. Who hits the ball farther? Who can make more catches?

Working with those two at their craft is one of my greatest joys as a father. I love every second of it. I just wish I wasn't such a dickhead when things aren't where I think they should be. But I am learning that it is about what they want - not about what I want. As long as they are happy, healthy, and loved then they will thrive.

Parenting is hard and I am a work in progress. But we will get there.

I have no sage words of wisdom for you other than if you think the boy has some skill in a certain area, it is ok to push a little to see the response. If he responds well, you are on the right track. If he doesn't you can back off and let him choose his path. I am about to navigate those same things with my youngest - I just hard to guard against burning him out.

We all think we'll be different until we aren't. And we catch ourselves in one of those moments we were sure we'd avoid. The kinds of mistakes "other people" make.

Good on you to post this. It's a hard reminder for us all.

I dole out praise for good behavior all the time. If an opposing coach is using a lot of positive speech to build up his team, I let him know how awesome it is after the game. If a referee is spending a little time giving advice to kids on either team how to improve their play or understand the rules, I make sure they know that it was noticed and appreciated.

Kids' sports are an arena where positive behavior can enhance everyone's experience, and negative behavior can ruin it. So let's pat each other on the back when someone does good deeds. The goal for the endeavor is not to beat the other team; it's to raise the next generation of good people.

and erected at every junior baseball training session.

coaches. I couldn't tell you the record of any of my teams (even HS) growing up but I remember all of my coaches and what type of coach they were.

My son has played travel baseball for 6 years and he even remembers opposing coaches who were awful. Never remembers the players but a coach who's a jerk stands out to him.

We played 3 years (a year too long) for some bad coaches who would harp on kids for execution in the game but never covered it in practice. This was 7yo, 8yo, 9yo baseball so the concepts needed to be taught. They told kids at the tryout that "they weren't there to develop kids, they wanted kids who are already developed."

We scrimmaged that team a week ago and beat the snot out of them with our well-coached positive team...felt good.

The oldest kids were 8 or 9, none are prodigies though some are very solid players. This was purely for fun, no official ratings points were involved.

I was serving as an official. A dad sat right to his son as the kid played (not allowed, but at something as low stakes as this, I didn't care). The dad scoffed at several moves his son made...I probably should have said something but didn't.

The son lost and when the game was over the dad immediately said, disgustedly, "That was terrible. You should have beat this kid 10 moves ago."

Both kids looked like they felt horrible. I should have said something but, in the moment, I froze.

What I did do was have the guy in charge of the tournament announce a reminder that parents should sit in the gallery/audience area, not next to the players. And I watched a few more games the son played and made sure to really compliment him on his play.

Wish I would have somehow handled this better.

What do you kids want to work on? Ok cool I'm going to praise the heck out of that on both our team and the other team. Anytime someone makes a good throw to first I'm going to celebrate that.

Now to just apply that to .... parenting.

So the bar for decency is pretty low.

some of these parents and coaches treat 8U baseball like it was game 7 of the world series. It becomes kind of a lord of the flies thing too, where one or two parents from one side are so obnoxious that it gets other people from both sides drawn like moths to the flame to "defend their kids" and it escalates.

This was from a 7U game (not tournament baseball, so likely some type of little league/rec league game):

the most natural ability on the little league team, after a loss, walking him back to the car telling him how it was OK, he'd soon be playing on teams without such losers as teammates (or words to that effect).

It was stunning to hear. It also explained why the kid had the worst attitude on the team despite his ability.

was not video taping a God damn thing.

I have now idea how good or bad I was, just the memories of awesomeness.

Doing soccer and baseball refereeing on the weekends for youth leagues. I thought it would be fun more than anything, don't really need the cash per se. Then I read some stuff from people who had done it, and it sounds like a potential nightmare. A lot of psycho parents treat the refs/umps like they're calling game 7 of the World Series. What is wrong with these people?

I've seen umpires getting in fist fights during youth tournaments, sometimes on the field, sometimes out by the cars between games, and sometimes at the officials table for the tournament. Just a few weeks ago in Phoenix at a high school event the field umpire screamed at the home plate umpire for daring to make a call on a foul ball down the line ("THAT'S MY CALL, PUT YOUR DAMN HANDS DOWN!"). And basketball is simply ridiculous; I've seen refs start brawls with coaches and players; just some totally out of control shit. The overall quality of officiating is a real problem.

Now, at the younger levels these guys do take a lot of unnecessary shit from people who don't know what they're talking about. And they certainly don't get paid enough for that sort of crap, that's for certain.

• Click here for link at https://abc7.com/referees-fight-basketball-game-fourth-grade

few years. Not sure where it's all coming from, especially from 4th grade refs. I've seen refs vs refs, refs vs coaches, and one ref who had to be restrained from fighting a player (would have been a 7th grader). It's out of control, and I'm not really sure where it's coming from.

I used to teach a free parents' class so they could be better fans and better fencing parents.

It's always so funny when a parent argues a call in an 8yo fencing bout when it's obvious they don't know diddley about the sport.

Except for the most critical matches at the highest levels, there are no officials. The kids make the calls themselves. So all of the assholery that idiot parents would normally be directing at an official is instead directed at the opposing child him or herself. And given the nature of the sport, the potential for close calls is constant.

In an environment full of little twerps, the rules are relatively black and white. You'd get the occasional kid that tried to cheat, get a bad drop, etc., but forty-nine times out of fifty the kid either A) wasn't very good or B) had a "ball don't lie" situation and screwed up the next shot anyway. That the sport is basically you against the course rather than you against another player directly helps a lot in this, I think.

I actually mostly had pretty good experiences with parents in basketball (my other main sport as a kid and high schooler). I think it was some combination of 1) the background of most of the kids playing and 2) that the elite truly and totally start to separate themselves by about age 12 or 13 that maybe lead to better behaving parents. A future NBA Hall of Famer didn't need much help with the whistle with little 5'0", 90 lbs 12 year old Wilford and his team mates trying to guard him.

Baseball was truly horrific. Nothing better than a bunch of rednecks arguing with a high school-aged ump on balls and strikes.

I only played competitively at the HS level (also coached for like 6-7 years) and it's brutal the amount of calls that kids hook each other on. My team was guilty of it as well and then I had to stand on the court and verify calls instead of trolling the fans for hot single moms.

I was amazed at not only my lack of success with the moms but how many kids would still try to cheat when a coach was out there watching lines.

9U.

Let me say my opinion of sports parents was way off. They are worse than I thought.

the more the probability of this occurring according to my experience. Parents trying to live their lives via the accomplishments of their kids are a bane to society. (Boomer complaint) maybe we were better off when kids played unorganized sports in the parks.

the difference in talent level between divisions. Some parents will see their son or daughter star in a low level game and think, "My God! He or she is amazing!" The truth is, for most sports, if your son or daughter is not clearly the best player on their team or even division or playing at a high level while playing "up" a year or two, little Jimmy or Mary is likely destined for playing for their hall, fraternity or sorority or corporate team some day and not the pros. And athletic scholarships are only for the highest caliber talent...plus, for most sports, they may only be partial and for a school your kid is not interested in attending.

Make sure your kid is learning the proper fundamentals for whatever sport they play, playing against appropriate level competition and the talent issue will sort itself out over the years.

...I played little league for several years ('64-'68) on the southwest side of Chicago, with our team sponsored by Kean Brothers service station. Our coach took instructing us seriously, but on game day it was fun. I don't remember a single untoward remark by a parent, ever--not even in postseason play or at all-star games.

I'll note up front my coaches, and the parents of teammates and opponents, were all very supportive.

In practice I could hit well. That was with a coach tossing batting practice sorts of pitches. But in games I was terrified of getting hit by the baseball.

I tried pitching. In practice I was fairly decent. My one part of one game on the mound was a disaster. Maybe I was afraid of hitting the hitter. I got the hook and never saw the mound again. With good reason!

I played outfield well. Could track down and catch most anything nearby. My arm was OK when I needed to get the ball back to the infield.

My baseball career was over by 5th grade. It was brief, but I enjoyed it.

Subtle brag much?

JK

...Left field in an all-star game, fly ball right into the sun; I move sideways and step in what might have been a woodchuck hole, falling backwards. On my back, I hear cheering, look at my glove, and see the ball. "What a great diving catch," said the coach when I came back to the dugout. I just shrugged and made a face like this:



(I think about half the league made it to the all-star game.)

in my experience, it goes away by high school but getting there is tough.

is gonna let her kids out of her sight unsupervised?

At a park? And do something insane like ride their bikes there? Or go out on their own after school?? Come back when then street lights come on??

Don't you know there's a child molester around every single corner?

FFS it's not the kids. It's never the kids. It's always us.

This is the safest time to be a child in the modern history of the US, yet you'd think child abduction and what not are more prevalent than ever.

I grew up in the 90s. There were entire summer days(hell, almost weeks at times) where my neighborhood crew didn't see an adult. We rode our bikes to the woods and built dams in the creek, forts around the trees, and played kick the can till 1AM. Now, I think many parents would want to be around to supervise the whole thing.

Both super talented "I've been to the big time and know how far this is from it" and "I don't even understand sportsball enough to know what's going on" parents typically aren't a problem. It's the "I was good, but not that good" parents who seem to be stirring things up.