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We're all ignoring one important thing here by eddysorin

Which is that we are playing Wisconsin - and Wisconsin fucking blows.

This is just the kind of game that Wisconsin loses – a bright lights, big city match up against a nationally ranked non-conference opponent that doesn’t “play by the rules”, instead countering their pasty white farm boy offensive lineman with real African American athletes who, rather than engaging - grunting and clawing at the point of attack – simply run around their porky pylons to deliver TFLs.

Wisconsin is the rube who cruises into Chicago for a big city weekend on the Amtrak and gets his wallet lifted before he can get out of Union Station onto Canal Street. Then calls his parents to Venmo the cover charge for Mothers.

Wisconsin only performs well in the comfortable confines of their Class AA minor league embarrassment of a stadium – a creaky relic that most large Texas high schools wouldn’t use for a practice field.

Even the name, “Camp Randall”, conjures up visions of bad adolescent overnight sleepaways, punctuated by mosquitos, hazing, mononucleosis, and lecherous camp counselors gazing through shower peepholes.

The team performs best in front of the home faithful, which worship as a single, unified beer-soaked, Bob Evans sausage digesting, foul-breathed undulating lipid sea of co-morbidities, Body Mass Index infinity. If you’ve ever wanted to see 80,000 people belch Bo Deans tunes in unison, Camp Randall is certainly the place for you.

The only people who think Wisconsin can win this game are those who haven’t seen them repeatedly fail to win just this type of game.

To those people I have some advice - 6.5 points on this game, and breath mints, have one thing in common: They should never be refused when offered.