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Any advice on steering a child (G11) away from a friend? by shawno3

We have a growing issue with one of G11's closest friends (who is a big part of, if not the leader of, G11’s core friend group). I’ve provided some background below but my main question for all of you is this: have you ever had a conversation with one of your children to explain that you don’t want them to hang out with a particular child and why? How did you go about it, how did it go, and any advice you can share?

We have been doing things like encouraging alternative (i.e. substitute) friendships outside of her core friend group but those will take longer to bear fruit than we are willing to wait to create some distance in this friendship. Any advice from anybody who has gone through something similar would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Background:

- G11 has her strengths and weaknesses. High achiever (particularly school and sports) but headstrong and thinks she’s better than she is at most things, which I’m being open about because I think it’s her main challenge socially. She also has a silly/dorky element of her personality which we find endearing but is likely an obstacle to closer friendships with some of the other girls who are good athletes. She’s therefore not popular enough that she can be cavalier about jettisoning friends (and possibly her core friend group in the process). If we were to simply dictate that she can’t hang around with this girl, it is possible G11 gets ostracized from her main friend group which includes her best friend (who we like very much). There are some friendships outside of her core friend group but it’s a big drop off as of now.
- We’re working with her on her headstrong nature and overconfidence but we have not told her that we think it’s a social obstacle for her – it’s been discussed mostly in the context of feedback from her teachers. It’s a delicate balancing act because she has extraordinary self-efficacy which we very much want to maintain while paring back some of the over-confidence.
- Let’s just assume for the sake of this discussion that the girl we want to steer G11 away from warrants such action. We feel bad for her because she is from a pretty shitty situation. And she hasn’t yet done anything truly egregious or dangerous. But she exhibits all kinds of attention-seeking, self-centered, impolite, etc. behaviors that we do not want to be an influence on our daughter.