The wisdom of Miller, the repo lot groundskeeper:
- A lot o' people don't realize what's really going on. They view life as a bunch o' unconnected incidents 'n things. They don't realize that there's this, like, lattice o' coincidence that lays on top o' everything. Give you an example, show you what I mean: suppose you're thinkin' about a plate o' shrimp. Suddenly someone'll say, like, "plate," or "shrimp," or "plate o' shrimp" out of the blue, no explanation. No point in lookin' for one, either. It's all part of a cosmic unconsciousness.
- There ain't no difference between a flying saucer and a time machine. People get so hung up on specifics they miss out on seeing the whole thing. Take South America for example. [In] South America, thousands of people go missing every year. Nobody knows where they go, they just, like, disappear. But if you think about it for a minute, you realize something. There had to be a time when there was no people, right? Well where did all these people come from, huh? I'll tell you where. The future. And where did all these people disappear to? [Otto: The past?] That's right! And how did they get there? Flying saucers. Which are really..? Yeah, you got it, time machines. I think a lot about this kind of stuff.
-The more you drive, the less intelligent you are.
Profile for PPDUE
Height/Weight: Average for Purdue Alum; Has to reserve own subway car when traveling in Asia. That's a joke. Only reason to travel in Asia is if piloting the Enola Gay.
Alumni Status: Purdue Class of 1987 Non-Engineering Valedictorian/Person Who Writes Good.
Favorite Baseball Team: Reds
Natural Enemies: TerrRsts, Europe, people who don't appreciate Lee Greenwood
Athletic Ability: Youth baseball outfielder
Sartorial Style: [inaudible]
Favorite Beverage and Consumption Freq: Ice beer
Political Philosophy: If you want to clean up politics, hire a Mexican. If you want someone who can stand the heat in the kitchen, hire a woman. If you want someone who can drink 14 Natural Ices and still fuck till the Kinkade falls off the wall, hire me.
Religious Philosophy: I believe every word of the Bible. Especially when it calls Jewish people Jews.
Musical Favorites: See above. LFG.
Favorite Quote from an ND Coach: The only ND coach worth a squirt of Ice Beer piss was Jim Colletto.
Miscellaneous Data: Susan Lucci is Phyllis Diller's daughter.
ro-si-dos and do-si-do
Mary had a little lamb
Your loving son,
Or huffing gasoline and sniffing glue, perchance?
...Step 4: Save for posterity.
I has it.
...Flowers For Algernon reference, and I was prepared to gasp.
I didn't think it was actually possible to write this way outside of a solicitation email.
He can't haiku
Notre Dame is cheat
Breaking UCLA steaks
Cooley is something
beans -- raw.
dis here post iz one messed up an' awful opinion all ye damn hood ratz..
Mr. PPDUE, what you gots just said, iz da most insanely idiotic thin` ah gots ever heard. At nahh point, in yo' rambling incoherent response wuz you even close ta anythin` dat could be considered uh rational thought. brothas in dis here room iz now dumber fo' havin` listened ta it. ah award you nahh points an' may God gots mercy on yo' soul all ye damn hood ratz..
Learn the truth about everything, everywhere
Then share with the class
I Want To Be David Hasselhoff?
I hope it makes the hall of fame
We had a room for rent in our house. We received an email from a "Nigerian Prince" with this same writing style telling us if we sent him a check for 5,000 bucks, he would in turn send us a check for 10,000! It was very hard to turn down such a generous offer but in the end, only stupid people bite and garbage like that/this.
"i am write you today as I stan d here withh tears in my eyes." emails.