on the back for being so goddamned "classy." What a "classy" gameday experience we have, with our carnival for the kiddies, our tributes to the people who replace the urinal mints in the LaFortune men's room, and our "Welcome to Notre Dame" fans and ushers. It all combines to make Notre Dame Stadium the most pleasant, classy place to watch your team run over, beat down, and cheap shot our students on the football field.
Navy and Air Force are training people to kill. Their players are Division I athletes. These guys aren't terminally ill kids on a Make-a-Wish tour of ND. They intend to beat us by any means necessary. Because they're smaller and less athletic, those means include dirty play. Stop patronizing them, stop swaying behind them during their post-game celebration, and start kicking the shit out of them.
I am so sick of watching our big, prized linemen neutered by playcalling and playing like pussies. Sam Young didn't come to Notre Dame thinking he'd allow a Navy player to blow past him for a sack at the most critical juncture of a game. But that's what he's become.
But oh, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that we all keep the proper perspective and the love for a hard-fought competiti--- barf. "You guys are terrible alumni," a recent grad chirped at us after the USC game, in between Facebook updates, when we had the nerve to stand in stunned silence and miss the first part of the alma mater.
The place has a big problem that hardly begins with Charlie, his soft scheme, his fake tough-guy act, and his soft players. The pep rallies still suck. The last thing the players need the night before a game is Mickey's Backyard Barbeque with a bunch of old honkies. Stop them, and replace them with nothing. We're not entitled to an evening with the players. We're entitled to wins. So win.
Quit patronizing the opposition. Give them respect the way football players give respect: try your hardest to make them piss blood. When they're a bunch of 5'11" service academy guys, run over them and don't worry where your feet land. After the game, a nod is sufficient. They'll know you respect them. If they don't, they'll know you just kicked their ass, and that's all that really matters.
Follow the rules and go to class, but push yourselves to the limit. You can't be required to spend more than 20 hours a week on football. That doesn't mean you're not allowed to spend 25 if you want. If the premed kid from Waco can work 30 hours a week scraping dishes at South Dining Hall, your ass can spend an extra half-hour a day doing hang cleans.
The football program and the fans that follow it need much more than just a good coach -- they need a boot in the ass.