I mean, I guess I can't disagree with your assertion that he who uses the term shall be kicked in the nuts, if you can make that happen. But I do disagree with the sentiment behind your plan. It's a useful term, including as just used by Taxman in The Pit, which I knew would get the standard ndnation response. Sure, it's overused on ESPN and among sports talking heads, allowing it to be lumped into the despised ESPioNics family. But the anti-"narrative" reflex has now officially gotten more tired here than the term itself.
Narrative is an interpretation of a series of events, often designed to suit the point of view or desires of one expressing it, intended to show that such events fit into some linear and meaningfully connected progression, whether they actually do or not. "Story line" maybe comes closest, but lacks the connotation of "spin" associated with narrative.