vitadulcedospes
by HoltzBeWithUs (2013-01-13 09:02:23)
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it is with a combination of trepidation and fond kinship that I formally announce B0.75's formal submission of application to the Poopy Pants Combined Armed Forces, entering rank of corporal.

for a while it had appeared that he would be comfortable serving in a merely advisory or consultating capacity, ready to deploy should there be an acute lack of stank or a particularly welcome run of manageable diapers somewhere. he has made it clear, however, that he intends to be more directly involved in operations going forward.

I can only hope that he will advance up the ranks as successfully as mini-Vita The First--whose stellar career, though still early, remains a testament to the wisdom and nurturing success of your loving guidance.

best,
HBWU


My little 3.5yr old son woke up early from his nap yesterday
by Giggity_Giggity  (2013-01-13 21:57:03)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

...in order to chop the most impressive piece of butt lumber these eyes have ever seen. I knew something special was in store when my wife burst into hysterical laughter upstairs, so I ventured up to see what was happening in the kids' crapper. I was greeted by a potent aroma, like being punched in the eyeballs by a mace-coated medicine ball while the devil's fingertips were jammed into your nostrils.

I followed my wheezing, red-faced wife's pointed finger to the bowl of the toilet; at first I thought it was an unwanted prom baby, but soon it dawned on me that my 38 inch tall son had powered out a 16 inch monkey tail. If I'd had one of those little toothpick American flags in the house I would've claimed the new land mass for the good ol' USA.

The kid weighs about 30 lbs and might weigh 27 now. He looked like he'd just gotten done running the 800M, kind of dazed and sweaty and swaying almost imperceptibly side-to-side. I knelt and held him close, telling him how proud I was of him while tears fell from my squeezed-shut eyes. And it was just us there for a long moment. Us and that enormous meaty chud wedged in its porcelain frame behind us.


It must weigh at least 100 Courics. *
by LoungeTroll  (2013-01-14 09:31:24)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


outstanding
by HoltzBeWithUs  (2013-01-13 22:23:24)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

what's he been eating?

oh, ribs.


There's something wrong with you. *
by Milhouse  (2013-01-13 22:09:28)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


Wait until they start using it for art supplies.. *
by 88_92WSND  (2013-01-13 17:05:43)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


well, he's currently using it as a nutritional supplement
by HoltzBeWithUs  (2013-01-13 22:25:59)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

so I will take art supplies as incremental improvement.


Sounds more like "excremental" improvement to me *
by TAR  (2013-01-14 08:09:29)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


The few. The proud.
by vitadulcedospes  (2013-01-13 10:33:46)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

The stinky pants brigade

I will warn you that nothing can prepare you for the months ahead. Your and the Mrs.' combined decades of medical training can not solve the mystery of determined poop. Perhaps some day your lad will also attain the rank of Generalissimo Stinky Pants, a post which, I am glad to report, was abdicated by B4 more than two years ago.

G1.8 believes in the time honored tradition of the all male armed stinky pants forces. However, she is enrolled in a course of study to become either a petroleum engineer or a state champion nose picker.


i congratulate B4 on his retirement to private life.
by HoltzBeWithUs  (2013-01-13 12:40:52)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

so it went on for 2 years?


At least 18 months. *
by vitadulcedospes  (2013-01-13 12:50:04)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


last few questions, then i'll let you get back to your lunch
by HoltzBeWithUs  (2013-01-13 12:53:11)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

did it just start out of the blue one day or was it always like that?

(i know, right? who asks this stuff...)

was it tied to the initiation of formula that you noticed?

how on earth did you keep enough clean clothes handy? he's blowing through three sets of pants a day.


Hard to remember all of the gory details.
by vitadulcedospes  (2013-01-13 17:50:26)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

It's been a while now.

I think it started around 6 months of age and peaked around a year and then ended around 18 months or two years.

Little man never had formula, so that's not it. Actually, I recall our in-house pediatrician saying that breast-fed babies tend to have looser poop, so I thought the explosiveness was due to the breast feeding.

We did a lot of laundry. Wash it out as soon as possible. Soak poopy clothes in Oxyclean. Oxyclean works pretty well, but there are plenty of onesies from those years that have faint orange stains.

I think he always had two extra sets of clothes and four onesies at day care. I do not miss the ritual of picking him up in different clothes from what we dropped him off in and then washing out the mess when we got home.


yeah, that's definitely the canon.
by HoltzBeWithUs  (2013-01-13 19:09:22)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

he was 100% breast milk through 9.5 months and now is about 20% formula mixed in...but as soon as that started the...explosions...started.

so maybe it's some kind of normal thing?


High butthole? *
by Austin316  (2013-01-13 09:34:25)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


What was the story with that again? *
by Mobster  (2013-01-13 19:05:42)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


My third son had a recurrent issue with his poop
by Austin316  (2013-01-13 20:42:47)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

It consistently would wind up shooting out of the top of his diaper all over his back. I was unfamiliar with this phenomenon from my other kids, so I asked the BR what might be the cause.

High butthole was suggested as a possibility.


opposite problem
by HoltzBeWithUs  (2013-01-13 21:16:15)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

its more along the lines of "filling the pajama pants like two cloth sacks of poop."

maybe low butthole?


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