Three-fer Thursday
by Czarobski (2013-01-03 11:56:14)
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1. For those who have seen Silver Linings Playbook, are the rumors of Robert De Niro's return to acting true? That would be nice, as once upon the time he was a pretty decent actor.


2. Sci-Fi Book Nerds: Which of these three classics should I read next?

Haldeman: The Forever War
Bester: The Stars My Destination
Simmons: Hyperion

(note: I am leaning toward Bester but as part of a New Year's resolution I now require anonymous internet confirmation before proceeding with even the most mundane decision making tasks in my life.)


3. For board zoologists/ultimate fighting fans, what is the smallest animal that by itself could kill a healthy adult human in an octagonal caged environment? I am excluding those creatures that can kill by venom, poison, or disease transmission (mosquitoes, bats, venereal possums, etc).


3 -- so is Ebola out? *
by milhouse  (2013-01-03 23:12:06)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


# 3: Killer Rabbit *
by HennaOrNo  (2013-01-03 15:41:31)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


Jimmy Carter agrees. *
by LocalSubAlum  (2013-01-03 16:46:48)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


3. Tasmanian Devil
by sdhleftleft  (2013-01-03 15:23:22)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

"Tasmanian devils have a notoriously cantankerous disposition and will fly into a maniacal rage when threatened by a predator, fighting for a mate, or defending a meal. Early European settlers dubbed it a "devil" after witnessing such displays, which include teeth-baring, lunging, and an array of spine-chilling guttural growls.

The Tasmanian devil is the world's largest carnivorous marsupial, reaching 30 inches (76 centimeters) in length and weighing up to 26 pounds (12 kilograms), although its size will vary widely depending on its specific range and the availability of food. Its oversize head houses sharp teeth and strong, muscular jaws that can deliver, pound for pound, one of the most powerful bites of any mammal."

Winner.


Second thought on 3: Brain eating worms.
by anthro_domer  (2013-01-03 14:27:52)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

You didn't say how long we'd be in the octagon.


Why?
by Porpoiseboy  (2013-01-03 14:55:39)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

Why do you persist in making a mockery of Czarobski's inquiries? It's uncanny with you! Honestly, from you I am surprised we were not treated with "a clap-having Cleveland ferret - that'll kill a human!"

Off with you!


I quite appreciate anthro's commitment to the absurd
by Czarobski  (2013-01-03 16:37:31)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

I like the idea that he just spent a good portion of his day pretending to work while covertly searching the internet to find out the average size of a dwarfism-afflicted silverback gorilla or whether a flying squirrel with kamikazee instincts would be capable of the flight maneuvers necessary to lodge itself inside a man's trachea.


I'm insulted you think I have to search the internet for
by anthro_domer  (2013-01-03 17:18:06)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

these things.

I have them memorized, thank you very much.


There's always the Wrath of Khan bugs. *
by yooper  (2013-01-03 14:38:48)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


those scared the hell out of me when i was a kid *
by DBCooper  (2013-01-03 15:18:42)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


A small chimp would be in the running for #3 *
by tenn_subway  (2013-01-03 13:43:45)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


That was my first thought as well
by SnakeOil4Cheap  (2013-01-03 14:08:31)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

but after some research, I think they might be too big to take the crown. I'd put money on a wolf or pit bull.


Other primates are a tough matchup for humans
by BrianBoru  (2013-01-03 15:16:03)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

They negate the primary advantages we have over other dangerous animals -- intelligence and manual dexterity. A human could at least try to wrestle and choke out a dog or even a decent sized wild cat, because its possible to position yourself away from their weapons and use size to control them. It's really hard to see getting any kind of an advantage over a chimp, even a pretty small one.

Honestly, if only one of us is walking out, I like to think that nothing under 100 pounds is taking me out. We're talking to the death here. But I'm realistic that I radically overestimate my odds in these fights. A small chimp is the member of the under-100 club I'd be the most nervous about, although I can't say I'd be looking forward to taking on a wolverine, bobcat, or pit bull either.


Baboons are pretty nasty too. They're under 100 lbs.
by anthro_domer  (2013-01-03 15:35:07)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

too. I wouldn't want to mess with this:



However, I'd possibly lean towards some sort of smaller cat, simply because they have claws in addition to big teeth, so there's no real weak point. Primates don't tend have as nasty of claws, if any.


Chimps all the way. Highest power-to-weight ratio
by Wooderson  (2013-01-03 16:15:08)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

of any creature you'd face.

Speaking of faces, ask that chick in Stamford how hers is doing. You know, the one the chimp ate off her face, despite bullet holes and Xanax.


Yeah, you get in the ring with a chimp, you got someone as strong or stronger than you, with sharper teeth, inborn predilection towards violence (they hunt and kill other primates for food; we do not), and a body that hasn't been subjected to HFCS, and yeah, Caesar's gonna eat you for dinner when he's done killing you.


Chimps, if I remember correctly, have 4-5x as much
by anthro_domer  (2013-01-03 17:21:47)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

muscle strength per pound as humans do. Most other animals are more robust than humans in that way.

But if we're going by smallest, Baboons still probably have a good chance of murdering the hell out of a human and at their biggest appear to be half the size of Chimps. 2 1/2 inch canines are nothing to sneeze at on the Baboon.


There is absolutely no proof
by Son of Galway  (2013-01-03 17:11:06)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

that HFCS is any worse than sugar when it comes to defending yourself against chimps.


2: Forever War, then Hyperion.
by milhouse  (2013-01-03 13:29:49)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

Both are worth a read.


#3 Can the Octagon be filled with water?
by lambconnection  (2013-01-03 13:28:59)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

It only needs to be waist deep, not like you're going to drown in it. If so, I vote for the candiru. It may not kill me directly, but it will make me want to kill myself, and that's not against the rules.

Link is to wikipedia.


Forever War. Hyperion was boring and meh. *
by Wooderson  (2013-01-03 13:00:07)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


#3 - Komodo Dragon?
by bucket  (2013-01-03 12:43:57)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

I seem to remember Steve Irwin claiming one of those fellers could strip all the meat off of an animal in a number of seconds.


They are 10 feet long and weigh 200 pounds.
by shadyirish  (2013-01-03 12:51:50)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

I'm quite sure they could kill a man, but they aren't small.


hm. I always thought they were smaller. Cheerfully withdrawn *
by bucket  (2013-01-03 13:39:36)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


they use venom
by DBCooper  (2013-01-03 12:47:06)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

and then stalk their prey as it slowly dies. Cunning creature.


Wow, I still believed the bacteria myth until now. *
by bigjinx74  (2013-01-03 13:44:08)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


It's not a myth
by SnakeOil4Cheap  (2013-01-03 14:00:57)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

their bites are, in fact, rampant with devestating bacteria, but there is some evidence that they are also venomous. Jolly.


#3 Honey Badger *
by Nitschke  (2013-01-03 12:41:56)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


On 3, I vote for the koala. Check out the claws:
by Giggity_Giggity  (2013-01-03 12:41:29)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post



They'd be all cute and sleepy and you'd be all like "oh no, I can't hurt this sweet widdle fuzzy wuzzy koala" and you'd go to give it a hug and it would rip your throat like a wet paper sack. Boom. Done. Motherfucking koala.


Oh they'd kill you
by SnakeOil4Cheap  (2013-01-03 13:57:50)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

with Chlamydia.


The koala would then spit on you, walk away...
by dbldomer7375  (2013-01-03 13:24:55)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

and go back to eucalyptus leaves, the only food it eats.

It's one bad....animal.


2. Have I mentioned that Simmons was my teacher?
by GailStanwyck  (2013-01-03 12:29:26)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

I have no opinion about #1 and the answer to #3 is clearly "spider monkey."


have not read other two, but I enjoyed The Forever War *
by jreednd  (2013-01-03 12:28:10)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


Jugular Rat. *
by Buck Mulligan  (2013-01-03 12:25:39)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


Is that a term of art
by irishcrusader  (2013-01-03 12:33:31)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

For a Tasmanian Devil? Those things are vicious.


"Term of art" is a term of art.
by captaineclectic  (2013-01-03 13:28:41)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

It's the singular lawyers use for "jargon."


The Vorpal Bunny from the Holy Grail. *
by Marine Domer  (2013-01-03 12:30:43)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


Three answers.
by Porpoiseboy  (2013-01-03 12:18:58)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

1) If he's back to his Heat form, we're all in for a treat!

2) I lied, there are not three answers.

3) Honey Badger must be considered. Several MMA stars in fact style their hair in a similar fashion.


Hyperion. R2D2 makes a good case...
by captaineclectic  (2013-01-03 12:11:24)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

but if "an eagle" could do it, surely some smaller winged menace could do the same...like an osprey.


Gaze on your death.


I was leaning towards osprey originally.
by R2D2isAMeanDrunk  (2013-01-03 12:14:10)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

While I think they have the temperament and talons to do some serious damage, I'm just not convinced they could kill me. Eagles have the mass to crash into you and break your neck. It would be difficult to build up that kind of speed inside the cage, though, which works against all the birds. Ultimately, I went with eagle because I figured that mass would give them some endurance, but the osprey is a very strong competitor.


The problem with taking on on Osprey...
by NDanaJones  (2013-01-03 14:35:44)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

...is that it would likely crash during takeoff and take you out with it.


To me, it's that he said "could," not "would likely."
by captaineclectic  (2013-01-03 12:16:50)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

An osprey could cut you a couple times, hindering you, and then rip out your throat when you're weak from loss of blood.

It'd probably only take one or two solid blows to kill it, though -- they weigh like three pounds. And if you wrap your hands around it, forget it.

Of course, the true backroom answer can only be a marmot.


There is no way a bird is killing Papanov Ember. *
by bigjinx74  (2013-01-03 12:15:44)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


It depends. If he's all ripped and vascular,
by GailStanwyck  (2013-01-03 12:30:12)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

all it takes is a nick.


Each 10% of body fat is like +2 to AC *
by Karl(1of1)  (2013-01-03 12:57:17)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


i've been told that a husky is a vicious animal, ok? *
by cujaysfan  (2013-01-03 12:10:03)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


#3 - Ocelot *
by NDBass  (2013-01-03 12:09:15)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


"OH MY GOD, I'VE NEVER SEEN AN OCELOT" *
by drbravo2  (2013-01-03 15:36:53)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


2: I'm not sure it has to be next, but you should read
by anthro_domer  (2013-01-03 12:06:12)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

Hyperion. It's one of my favorites.

On #3, probably a constricting snake of some sort, but "smallest" is a flexible term.


#3 By weight, I'd say an eagle.
by R2D2isAMeanDrunk  (2013-01-03 12:03:09)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

Just think of how exhausting it would be to climb to the top of the cage to try to hurt it, meanwhile it's divebombing at you with claws proven in the Jurassic age. If we're going by height, alligator.


How accurate are we assuming the bird is?
by pmcdnd96  (2013-01-03 12:17:28)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

A parrot, for example, can crush a finger. If granted unfettered access to an artery or major vein, it could kill you as well. But it's not going to swoop in and slash your throat, what with you holding that beautiful saltine at arm's length.


As accurate as anyone is in a combat situation.
by R2D2isAMeanDrunk  (2013-01-03 12:58:37)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

Eagles live and breathe in combat situations, so I figured they'd be much better suited to doing some damage when they need to than a parrot.


Platypus? *
by WrathofSorin  (2013-01-03 12:03:05)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


A Perry the Platypus?!? *
by KelleyCook  (2013-01-03 13:46:26)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


Venomous so DQ'd *
by R2D2isAMeanDrunk  (2013-01-03 12:03:40)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


On #3 I'd say a Pit Bull, the dog not the douchebag. *
by bigjinx74  (2013-01-03 11:59:30)     cannot delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post


Death by Bud Light commercials
by S---Alley2  (2013-01-03 15:01:50)     Delete  |  Edit  |  Return to Board  |  Ignore Poster   |   Highlight Poster  |   Reply to Post

rough way to go


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