Weis Cracks and Crack Backs (by Bacchus and Kayo)

If the defensive game plan was to make Cameron Sexton win the game, it worked.

Not covering Hakeem Nicks practically guaranteed it.

Cover? Coach, I thought you said “hover”.

If I were a Wolverine, a horrifying thought as I type it, I’d claim that my team handed the game to the opponent with turnovers. I’m not, a comforting thought as I type it, so I recognize that the game was decided because the UNC’s defense made big plays and ND’s didn’t.

UNC’s defense was capable of making big plays and ND’s wasn’t---which is another way of saying that the best team won.

UNC earned and deserved the victory; but I’m in the comparable team camp, not the better team camp.

Speaking of the Wolverines, Michigan’s first ever loss to a MAC team dropped its record to 2-4 and raised concerns of a finish in the 4-8 range. After ND’s 3-9 season in 2007, far be it from me to delight in UM’s total suckage… Oh, screw it. I think it’s fantastic.

ESPN kept running a chyron teasing an “upset alert” as the UM-Toledo game wound down. It is with unabashed Schadenfreude that I note that UM is unlikely to be upset for the rest of the season, no matter how many more games they lose.

While upsetting UM may not be possible for the rest of the season, upsetting their fans will be a weekly event; and that’s good enough for me.

Added to my list of goals for the ND program: Be too good to be relegated to any broadcast team that includes Paul McGuire.

I have a soft spot for McGuire, and I love the way ABC has exiled him from the booth to that goofy perch on the field camera. He’s like a disreputable, alcoholic uncle that you don’t have the heart to disinvite from Thanksgiving, but that you won’t let eat in the dining room on the good china.

I wouldn’t let him eat without a bib, either.

Idle this week while #1 Oklahoma lost to Texas, Alabama won its 132nd in-season national championship.

Yes, but this year it looks like they may actually make a legitimate run at the top of the AP poll---the Associated Press this time, not Abner’s Possum poll.

Legitimate? I never thought I’d see that word associated with Alabama.

Bob Davie, the faux Southerner who provides white noise between plays on some of ESPN’s least interesting college football games, didn’t let being wrong stop him from bragging on his pre-game prediction of a defense-dominated game between Missouri and Oklahoma State. No, it wasn’t self-deprecating humor. The ESPN broadcast booth is made for people who aren't cursed with self awareness.

It was high comedy listening to Davie describing the intricacies of late game clock management by a team with the ball and the lead. He seriously weighed the pros and cons of the OSU QB running around for 10 seconds before taking a safety. Somewhere Jarious Jackson was having a post traumatic stress induced flashback.

The week-later clock is ticking on an Eric Chappell flashback.

I have to admire Butch Davis’ tact. Discussing his anxiety waiting for the final replay to be decided, he said, “Based on the previous experiences during the course of the game, I was not severely, overly optimistic about the potential outcome.” Compare and contrast with Jim Harbaugh’s comments last week.

The difference is that Butch Davis is a grown up.

Yet he still goes by “Butch”.

Unclear on the concept - UNC halfback Shaun Draughn had this head scratcher after the game. “We always have a chance. Always. With God on your side you never know.” Shaun, having God on your side is the ultimate sure thing.

Makes you wonder when Notre Dame and the Almighty parted ways, doesn’t it?

I have to believe Tyrone’s Willingham’s late 2001 exchange of his soul for a fortune to be amassed without working has something to do with it.

Welcome back, Duval Kamara.

Nothing like a little competition to light a fire under kid. Would that our d-linemen faced similar motivation.

Maybe a lighting some real fire under them will work. Icy Hot in the jockstraps, anyone?

This week’s Hardin Award nominee for absolutely true but meaningless published statistic goes to me for publishing this one: Notre Dame wins 50% of its games when Brandon Walker kicks a field goal and 75% of its games when he doesn’t kick a field goal. Who’ll never amount to anything now, mom?

That settles it, then. 47oft is officially the black sheep of the family.

Art Fern is relieved.

Every defensive lineman’s goal should be to make more tackles than Mike Anello.

If they measure by tackles per snaps played, then they’ll never catch him. But I know. Baby steps.

If they can stay on their feet, I don’t suppose I care what kind of steps they’re taking.

This week feels like the Weis Cracks sequel to “Trading Places” with Washington Head Coach Tyrone Willingham as the dead man as Seattle writers dedicate their off week column space to his potential replacements while Penn State Head Coach Joe Paterno wondered aloud about his own (so far) accurate preseason prediction with, “"Did I make that kind of stupid statement?"

Clearly, Paterno shows more self-awareness than does Willingham. But perhaps that’s an unfair comparison since JoePa has already achieved total consciousness.

Total consciousness is achieved at the fifth circle?

“This is not the same team that everyone saw at the beginning of the year,” Charlie Weis said after the game. “This team is starting to get it." That’s great, but they really need to learn to hold onto it.

The lead? The ball? Its composure? Charlie really needs to be more specific.

All of the above, but hold onto your hat because the ride back will be bumpy for the foreseeable future.

This was a chance to get over a hump, and the Irish did many necessary things - come ready to play, compete to the end, etc. Alas, the next chance for a decent road win is a month away.

You obviously haven’t been paying attention to the sage observations of Mark May or John Saunders. By definition, any team that loses to Notre Dame can’t be decent, so the Irish will get no credit for the win. In any case, I look forward to the mind bending dilemma May will face on November 1st.

May is already stressing.